2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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