He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so let's talk penis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
