you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
