I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
