I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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