maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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