hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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