I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
