I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
