I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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