You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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