Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
