I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
