Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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