I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
