she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
