I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize