I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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