Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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