We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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