What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
