laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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