you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
