yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
