I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
