I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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