Screwed.edu
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
