I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
