he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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