i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
