Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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