Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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