I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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