So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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