Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
