Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
