I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
