tell your sister to shave her snatch
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
