I just made out with a guy for $7.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
