Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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