apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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