The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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