please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
