1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
