At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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