o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
handjob tips. give me some.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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