He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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