I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
