I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize