I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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