pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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