I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
