the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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