I'm lost and stupid without you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
