so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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