Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
