Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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