As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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