I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize