Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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