I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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