And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
