I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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