I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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