Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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