you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
