I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
