I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
