If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize