We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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