i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When did angry sex become our thing?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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