saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
