Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
