would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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