your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
