Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
